The word “no” may be easy to say, however figuring out how to say “no” can be difficult. Even when we know that saying “no” can help us draw healthy boundaries, it can still be challenging to do so.

In my experience, I’ve found it helps to say “no” nicely by first acknowledging the other person’s request and then remembering that saying “no” is a valid choice.

My favorite ways to say “no” nicely fall into the three categories below. Choose a single phrase or a combination of phrases that work best for you. Above all else, avoid making excuses!

1. How to Say “No” with a Compliment

• “I appreciate you thinking of me. However, I’m going to opt out.”
• “I’m flattered that you’d ask me. Nevertheless, I’m going to pass.”
• “Thank you. My plate is full right now.”

2. How to Say “No” with Empathy

• “I wish I could assist you, but I’m not able to.”
• “Although I’m not able to attend, I’d love to help in another way.”
• “You’ve worked hard on this committee! Unfortunately, I won’t be able to join.”

3. How to Say “No” with a Choice

• “I’m going to pass on that offer.”
• “That doesn’t work for me.”
• “I’m not feeling it.”

By the way, you can always use some of the responses in category three when someone doesn’t take your nice “no” for an answer! When someone replies to your “no” with a “why?!”, you can simply say “That just doesn’t work for me” or “I’m just not feeling it.”

Remember, don’t make excuses! If you don’t give the person asking a firm, clear response, they will continue to push to get a “yes” from you.

How to Say “Yes” When You Want to Say “No”

Sometimes, you have to say “yes,” even if you don’t want to. This may especially be true when it comes to bosses or clients. When you feel that it’s in your best interest to say “yes,” do it without guilt and set parameters that work for you!

For example, try some variations of these phrases:

• “Boss, I’d be happy to do this for you. Which of the projects I’m working on is the top priority?”
• “Would you be willing to wait until Monday morning if we hand-deliver your order?”
• “I’d be happy to get that info to you if it can wait until later today.”

By drawing boundaries while you say “yes,” you can preserve your sanity and priorities.

Learning how to say “no” nicely is all about staying firm in your response, and when possible, acknowledging the other person’s perspective. Try one of these options the next time you need to say “no” and let me know how it works for you!