“You have a bad attitude!”
Even though we know people who could benefit from that negative feedback, that ugly wording is not the best way to share it.
There are two reasons that saying “you have a bad attitude” is not the best way to get results:
- Those harsh words are likely to get a defensive response.
- It provides no useful information on which the person can take action.
When I present my communication keynotes at leadership conferences, I ask the managers in the audience to briefly brainstorm how they can “quantify” bad attitude. In other words, identify specific behaviors.
“Bad Attitude” behaviors they’ve brainstormed include:
- Sighing, rolling eyes, slouched posture and other negative non-verbals
- Saying “I don’t know” or “It’s not my job” instead of “I’ll find out for you.”
- Consistently criticizing comments made by others
Then, I suggest constructive ways to convey their concerns about those behaviors—including the negative impact. Frequently, I include some favorites from my signature “Top 10 Positive Communication Phrases” list.
Behavior-based phrasing examples:
- “I noticed…and I’m wondering”
“I noticed that you sigh heavily and roll your eyes whenever the new project is discussed in staff meetings, and it’s becoming a negative distraction. I’m wondering what concerns you have about the project.”
- “Would you be willing to…”; “I’m concerned”
“I’m concerned that your comments ‘that won’t work’ or ‘that will never happen’ are discouraging to the team. Would you be willing help come up with solutions instead of focusing on what won’t work?”
Ironically, positive feedback such as “good attitude” is barely better than “bad attitude” when it comes to providing actionable information. While the other person may be flattered to hear the positive feedback, they still don’t know exactly which behaviors you’re praising.
“Good Attitude” behaviors include:
- Smiling, nodding, eye contact and other positive non-verbals
- Using phrases like “I can help you” and “How can we resolve this?”
- Willingness to focus on problem-solving rather than complaining
Behavior-based phrasing examples:
- “I love the way you focus on finding a solution whenever there’s a problem, especially when you say, ‘how can we resolve this’ and ‘I can help.’
- “Your teammates appreciate the encouragement you offer in meetings; your smile, nodding and eye contact have a positive impact.”
Good or bad, feedback about attitude can be quantified by sharing specific behavior-based phrases. That way the other person can take action to make the requested changes—or know what positive behaviors to keep doing!
