When we’re trying to handle criticism, it’s easy to feel defensive. We want to explain ourselves and defend our actions. However, while doing all that talking, we’re not listening. By being defensive, we can miss out on the opportunity to learn while we’re handling criticism.

How to Handle Criticism: Grow From It

We spend a lot of time and energy figuring out how to constructively give negative feedback, but do we really spend enough time figuring out how to receive it?

One of my first mentors gave me a brilliant suggestion that I think of often when deciding how to handle criticism. My mentor suggested that in the face of negative feedback, we ask for more!

In my keynotes, I often share the example of how that advice came in handy when I was a supervisor in a large university.

One day, I asked one of my employees, “How do you think we can improve the department?”

His reply? “You can be a better supervisor!”

Resisting the urge to get defensive or write him up, I asked for more.

“How do you mean?” I asked.

As a result, he offered more detailed and valuable feedback that I would have otherwise missed!

How to Handle Criticism: Ask For More!

That’s only one example of how simply asking for more feedback can help you handle criticism gracefully and become a better manager, employee or person from the experience.

Below are a variety of possible phrases you can use to ask for more when you receive negative feedback. Use the ones that work for you.

• “How do you mean?”
• “Can you give me an example?”
• “Can you be more specific?”
• “Can you elaborate please?”
• “Tell me more.”

After the other person clarifies his or her criticism, it’s time to dig deeper! Usually, people speak up and give negative feedback because they want to see a specific result or resolution. By asking some of the following questions to understand their perspective further, you can discover their preferred outcome.

• “What do you suggest?
• “What result would you like to see?”
• “What do you think we should do?”
• “How should we resolve it?”
• “In your opinion, what should be done?”

The next time you receive negative feedback and have to decide how to handle criticism, take a deep breath. Reflect on what you can learn from the conversation and the person providing the feedback. Then, try using one of the phrases above to ask for more.